Well, I spoke Spanish on the phone today. I haven't done that for, well, probably since the good ol' days in Florida. Thankfully the speaker's accent was very clear, and he didn't mind my use of Spanglish. phew.
I honestly haven't used Spanish much since Florida; I can't even use the excuse of not having anyone to talk to. I do occasionally talk in my bad Cuban accent just to weird people out, though. That's always fun, because even people who know Spanish don't always recognize which language I am speaking. Or, it is to recreate a favorite time passer of speaking Spanish with a Southern accent: oh the things one does!
I used to have no fear, nor embarrassment (two similar, yet different emotions) in speaking a different language. Most times it was pure joy to see the confusion on people's faces that I, definitely of no hispanic origin, was able to speak somewhat understandably in their own tongue.
Perhaps because the need is gone, the ever ready to creep in fear and embarrassment attacked. Maybe I felt that if I continued to use the spanish, I would never really transition back into being a normal human being (sin plaquita) again. (Side note: I looked up 'plaque' in the bilingual dictionary, and was worried for a brief moment that I had been saying blood platelet for a year and a half! Why didn't anyone tell me.... But, I wasn't. phew.) We've all been there: sitting there with the returned missionary, trying not to get annoyed when they get together in masses, hablando their mission language - for those who are not included in the exchange, it can become a tiny bit tiresome; I never fully understood why that happened. I can now, but for the benefit to those on the outside, I tried to limit my flirtations with my latin lover.
I even waited till I was a graduate student to take a class. This, by the way, was a bad idea. The class was good, but it was my first semester in graduate school and I took it concurrently with a baroque music class. Spanish grammar, and baroque music - one or both are bound to suffer, and, in this instance, well, they both suffered.
I really need to find a happy balance. I truly do love the language of my ancestors (I am 1/8 Mexican you know!) and wouldn't be very happy to loose the little fluency that I acquired, but for some reason I don't think that random people in Macey's truly are impressed by you wanting to talk to them 'because we speak the same language.' Seriously.
Even to this day, when I need to pray with real intent I tend to revert to Spanish. Even with my limited vocabulary, it is, well, easier. I still have to remind myself that locations of scriptures on the page are different in the different translations.
I know I am not alone in this dilemma. And I know this is not a problem limited to returned missionaries - I happened to stumble upon the problem of bilingualism through preaching the gospel. Let me rephrase, the problem is not being bilingual. The problem is, how to live in the world, but not of the world. How do I improve upon my skills, without being obnoxious. I decided I should just move to Spain. Problem solved. But in the meantime, any suggestions? I know many of you are successful bilingual-ites and would love to for you to share your pearls of wisdom.
3 comments:
Heidi! How are you?? I noticed Liesl's blog on a friend's and then I saw your name on her's. It was so fun to read your posts and see a little of what you've been up to, besides being quite hilarious. Maybe I'm just boring, but you sure made me laugh. Sorry, no words of wisdom on your bilingual dilema. I guess that's a benefit of not being bilingual, right?? :) -anna- (By the way, everytime I think about you or hear an oboe, I am jealous that you continued to play.)
Heidi, It is difficult to keep up on your language. I know. But classes are definitely a start. Wherever you end up, I would attempt a few more classes on the side. Grammar classes as well as literature. I try to download podcasts in the Portuguese, Spanish and French so that I can try and keep up on all of them. Listening is great, but of course practice at actually spekaing is more difficult to find. I try to find someone like a neighbor, friend, or ward member who is willing to practice with me, even if it is a little informal. For instance, my neighbors from El Salvador love it when I speak with them, and I learn a lot each time we converse. Unfortunately, we don't have long, deep conversatinos, but it helps to keep up a semblance of ability at chit chat, and to hear and practice the accent. Also, attempt to read some Spanish literature. Well, I'm babbling now, but if you want to practice, I'm always game.
Aaaa...I have the very same problem lately!!!!! When I know someone speaks Spanish natively, I just start itching to speak it with them...but I'm always sure I'm annoying them. Just another gringo trying to speak Spanish. Sometimes I try to watch Spanish channels on TV, but let's face it, there are some pretty immoral novelas, and I feel guilty when I do.
And I also, for some reason, find myself SO embarrassed while I am talking to a native Spanish speaker now-- like, what are they thinking about my accent? did I just say that right? my rolled rrr isn't going to come out right(and then it doesn't)...yet on the mission I was so excited to show off my skills. I think I've lost confidence because I never practice. I know exactly what you mean. Email me or talk to me in Spanish any time!
Post a Comment